Blue
It’s the only color that I can say I have really truly loved my entire life.
I’m acutely aware this last few weeks of how blue my eyes are. And how much I love my eyes. And that my babies have my eyes.
I asked my friend Darian to snap a few photos of my eyes to remind me that after my surgery, when my eye is all puffy and swollen and I can’t see out of it, when it’s covered with an obnoxious patch—this is what my eyes have been like. And they’ll be like that again one day soon.
Of all my features, my eyes and my hair have always been the ones I felt most confident in. The pieces of myself that have been easiest to love.
So it’s hard. Hard to feel like one of those eyes is under attack. Hard to let go of superficial things like having eye lash extensions for a while. Harder still to be reminded that it’s because my eye has cancer in it that I have had to stop breastfeeding before I would have chosen to.
Tonight I’m shamelessly eating all the chocolate. And packing some to take to my parents with me for next week. And feeling particularly sad about it all.
But these photos. I wanted these to remind me and give me hope after Thursday.
to remind me to have faith in these beautiful eyes of mine to heal well and quickly.
photos by @darianclousephoto
Rebellious Hope 