This ♥️
And sometimes you find the reality you’re facing is something you never ever ever could have expected or would have wanted: but you’re facing it anyway.
Like a cancer diagnosis.
I feel like I’ve had a LOT of practice this past year in releasing expectations.
But the rollercoaster of feelings comes to a whole new level when you’re suddenly looking at medical forms you’ve never looked at before (like a will and advanced medical directives) and trying to reconcile that you NEVER expected to be looking at one of those DNR consent forms at age 28.
So I’m doing my best to be curious about my feelings—and allow them, but also recognize and remind myself that I’ve been through some hard crap in my life, and sure I never would have “picked” this as the next thing to get thrown at me in life—
But I have been training for TODAY and anything tomorrow brings—for my entire life till now.
And that is a hell of a lot more empowering that sitting in fear wondering.
Doing my best tonight to just allow myself grace for not being sure how to handle this new wave of feelings, to remind myself of all the things I never thought I could handle that somehow, someway, I DID.
I have been training for THIS—in every workout I’ve done that I didn’t want to, every loss I’ve faced that I didn’t expect, every HARD THING—has all been practice for right now.♥️
UPDATE:
In case you missed the stories:
MRI brain clean ✅
MRI liver ehhhh likely okay? But still not 100% okay 🥴
Sooooo tomorrow I meet with a medical oncologist. We will have a biopsy by early September of my eye tumor, but at this point we need to evaluate if a biopsy of the liver is the best next step or just watch and wait. Uncertainty is a beast of a best friend these days.😱
PS to the person/people who surprised me with this shirt, thank you. I love it.
“Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.” Dumbledore
Rebellious Hope 